Boy oh boy, am I in a mood. A MOOD. For years I have been
asked by every married friend and family member imaginable, “Have you tried
eHarmony?”  To which I replied with a
kind eye-roll and an explanation about how great I think eHarmony is for
everyone but me.  I have many friends and
supporters who have met their spouse via eHarmony/online dating and they are
NORMAL and COOL.  I’m so happy for them. I’ve
heard every explanation in the book as to why it works and to why it doesn’t
and should be avoided.  I always ask
myself, “If ‘it’ is so great then why do all my friends who are on ‘it’ keep ‘it’
a big secret?”  I now know why.
So, it was just another wild Saturday night in my
house.  After watching a fabulous tv
special on hot dogs and cleaning my bathroom, I talked to my friend (who shall
remain anonymous of course) who was going to have a date with an eHarmony match
the next day.  Well, I was zoned out as
she was talking because I was looking up the web site and filling out the
profile. I have no idea what possessed me to do it. Uh, maybe it was because of
my crazy Saturday night activities. Do you know they gave me matches before I
was even finished? Uh, okay.  The second
I typed in Jesus and Celine Dion, I guess Mr. eHarmony scratched his head and
thought, “Hmmm, we are gonna have to go out of her age range preference AS WELL
AS the within 300 mile proximity preference.”   Go grab a donut for the rest of this
blog.  It gets worse.
First on the list was a guy in a superman shirt and hat who was on an evangelistic weight lifting team. 
Good for him.  Comfortable in his
own skin. However, he misspelled his name. There are no vowels and no “y” in
his name.   Second, can I just ask if denim shorts are
back in for men? I’m not trying to be mean, I seriously want to know. Anyone?
Because the majority of men I was matched with had on denim shorts and fanny
packs. I hoped the fanny packs were an indication that they liked to travel.  And no offense if your name is “Roy”, but if
you are 48, from Michigan and named “Roy”, I don’t think it is going to
work.  However, my favorite was the man
who looked like the secretary at my old school. I loved Glenda, the secretary.  I don’t want to get too caught up on him lest
I forget the Elvis impersonator who is 49 and from Alabama.  Hakim from Illinois seemed okay, but he’s old.
OLD, I tell you. The one normal guy on there I’m pretty sure I went to elementary and high
school with and he had an obsessive nose picking issue so I made him hold my shirt
sleeve when we square danced.    
Sigh.  Okay, so I am
being funny, probably a little mean, a tad picky, but wow. I promise you, it
really was as bad as I am making it out to be. Now the next time I am asked if
I have tried online dating I can say with all honesty that yes indeed I have
tried eHarmony.    

7 thoughts on “eHarmony sChmarmony”

  1. Also, my family is from Michigan..I am not at all surprised to hear that there is a man name Roy in denim shorts and a fanny pack. That is pretty much the norm there. Unless you live in Grand Rapids.

  2. I actually only met liars on eharmony and have a good friend that was completely rejected by eharmony. They told her they wouldn't be able to match her with anyone. 🙂

  3. Beth, I laughed so hard reading this. I needed a good laugh. Just so you know…my mom meet her husband on eharmony lol. Love Monica

  4. Man, have I had the same experience! And yes! I know God has provided for others on Eharmony… but I pay for a good case of rejection every time (yes, I'm crazy) I go on. The skit is absolutely hIlarious! And I've talked to a couple of those guys :o. Love you sister!!

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