Today is the day I went gangsta’ in the West Town Mall
parking lot.  I want to take you on a
journey of my day leading up to said event. 
I had very little sleep due to the dog with (if you are from East
Tennessee) “sugars” (aka: diabetes), who would not leave me in peace.  I drag myself out of bed at 6:09AM to give
Sophie her insulin shot only to be welcomed with a present on my living room
floor.  Thank you, Jesus, for Stanley
Steemer.  So, I was in a wonderful mood
as I laid back down on the couch and eventually turned on the Today Show only to watch the
top story IN OUR WORLD be about the NFL referees.  I was so glad to see they highlighted this
pivotal event over the trivial issues such as world hunger, people dying
unloved every day, and adoption.  Thank
you, NBC. 
Rabbit trail?
I get ready and accidentally stab myself in the face with those flossing pics.
I leave my house with a sore and maimed face and go to meet a dear lady who is becoming such
a mentor to me. I am sharing in tears with her about something challenging
(don’t try to guess, I’ll tell ya if ya wanna know), and she commented about my
heart being beautiful to God…no joke. 
She even commented on my femininity (I must admit I do have on a cute
top).  I was leaving her to run to the
mall to get a shirt before heading out of town (not as feminine of  a shirt, just a plain black one – I know some
of you women were wondering).  First of
all, I missed my turn in to the mall.  I
don’t miss my turn.  I can be an “assertive”
driver, right?? Rachel, Emily, Kindal – stop laughing!!   Anyway, the point being, I was delayed in
getting to the Sears parking lot.  So, in
I pull to the mall and am driving kind of fast and I see this old (and I mean
OLD) lady and her husband WALKING ON HER WALKER and I slow down and was praying, “I
hope I my heart is beautiful before you, Lord. The flesh and the Spirit battle it out, but you know my heart.” AND THEN IT HAPPENED!!
ZOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!  This skinny, white guy with really bad hair
comes running in front of my car at full speed ahead and he had a huge, nice
purse in hand and the old lady (not the one on the walker, but another one) was
SCREAMING!! People everywhere had stopped (okay, so there were about six
people).  What did I do? I took off after
him in my car.  I was flying diagonally
through the mall parking lot and drove over a curb.  He, I’ll call him , “Donald”,  because Donald Trump also has really bad
hair.  And as a side note, you’d think
with all that money he would do something about that. 
I digress. Anyway, Donald keeps looking over
his shoulder and starts to panic. 
Because I am not leaving him any room to run anywhere but back towards
the mall.  So he darts into this grassy
area and runs up the hill.  I pull up and
corner him on said grassy knoll (JFK) and he is STUCK.  He is in a triangle area of tree’s and up
against a fence.  Donald is short and is
freaking out.  Another guy comes up in
his car and gets behind me.  I roll my
window down because I am laughing so hard and Donald can’t easily go
anywhere.  So here’s what he does.  He turns sideways and tries to hide behind a
tree.  I yell, “I can see you!!! Do you
really think I can’t see you?  I have
pictures!!!”  I don’t really have
pictures, but I want him to think I have pictures.  Dang. I wish I had pictures.  Well, at this point the cops arrive (and by
cops I mean, “mall security” which is a woman in her early 100’s).  Donald-son, hops da fence (said in my best
Mr. Miyagi voice – I love Karate Kid). 
And the mall cop goes to town. 
At this point I can’t quit laughing.  I strutted around that mall like a guy who
had just , well, honestly I have no idea what makes a guy strut around, but you
get the idea.  I’m guessing if this staff
care counseling thing doesn’t work out I will always have a career in law enforcement.

6 thoughts on “Bdubs goes Po Po”

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