An Open Letter to LB & Moo
Dear LB and Moo,
Girlies, you are always on my mind and in my heart, but today, even more so. As your auntie, I’ve had the honor and gift of watching you become….in every season of your 14 and 16 years on this planet. I see you thriving and struggling, seeking Jesus and speaking up, even when the circumstances are hard. The two of you are so lovely and I’m not just saying that because you are my nieces. You’re fierce and kind. Intense and laid back. It’s like Half-Pint and Mary Ingalls all up on the Burr farm. You bring me such joy, as you do everyone you encounter, except maybe for the boys that you scare the shee-haw out of, and one day, the memories of you will bring them joy. ;)
A few years ago, Sarah Bessey, a beautiful writer your mom and I love, shared about the four themes of Advent that were once used in the Carmelite tradition: waiting, accepting, journeying, and birthing. Today is the second Sunday of Advent where the focus is on accepting. Accepting what? Accepting who? What must we admit before we can accept? What resistance within and without must be acknowledged before we can accept whatever it is we are to receive?
I want to tell you a story. One where I hope you can receive something true and good about yourself. I was five years old when I was told what part I would play in the kindergarten show. The show had a circus theme and I wanted to be an acrobat. The acrobats got to wear the pretty costumes with pink leotards and sparkly tutus, walk on a balance beam (1 inch off the ground) twirl and be pretty. My teacher, Mrs. Carol, pulled me over to the side of the room and said, “We’d like you to play the part of the fat lady.” I felt like I had been punched in the gut, no pun intended. I was not only not chosen to be the acrobat, but in fact, just the opposite. I believe this is my first memory of what it was like to move into a state of shame. I remember thinking, “Well, if I can’t be an acrobat, I’ll just be funny and steal the show.” And I did. I think the play started a pattern of hiding behind humor and not risking showing what I most longed to express - beauty, freedom to be enjoyed without performing. I didn’t know I wasn’t beautiful until someone told me I wasn’t.
There’s something here for you…… who gets to tell you who you are? Who gets that kind of power? Recently, Fred (you know Fred. Everyone knows Fred. Fred is my counselor turned spiritual director turned big brother over the course of 20 years) told me, “Your beauty is there whether it is spoken or not. Beauty doesn’t change whether it is seen or isn’t.” Crickets started chirping in response. I want you to hear this. Your beauty doesn’t change whether (and I’ll make up names here to protect the innocent) Caden and Michael say it or not. It’s something so deep in you that gets to be expressed in 1000 different ways.
I thought this was going to be a piece about accepting your body, because you know that has been an ongoing journey for me. One that I am finally seeing some movement toward freedom in that has nothing to do with losing weight. However, I think this might be more of me working out something by writing what needs working out. Beauty. Your body will change over the next 70 years and there will be a fight in your mind and emotions against culture, porn industry, and social media comparison that will take some major help from Holy Spirit to not spiral into a sea of “not enough” syndrome.
LB and Moo, how would you describe what you think is beautiful?
Here’s what I couldn’t access at 5, 15, 24, or 46 but I hope you will be able to at a much earlier age: Beauty is kindness, loving without demand, inviting in the underdog, which you do so well. Beauty is how you stand toe-to-toe & face-to-face with what scares you and move toward it even in your fear. Beauty is offering safety when others are hurting and need a place to land. Beauty is unaware of beauty. Beauty is serving and leading, sacrificing, and working hard for something that comes with a cost. Beauty is enduring and walks toward life. Beauty is accepting a changing body without hatred. If we are only allowed to love and accept our bodies when we achieve the dream weight or ideal, then we are all screwed because that would last maybe one day or never.
So, how do you accept and display your God-given beauty? You already are…… I think where the torment comes when it’s centered on seeking outside validation on whether you are desirable. In 2022, I read a quote by Aundi Kolber that shifted something in me. She said, “No matter how hard we try, we can’t hate or shame ourselves into change. Only love can move us toward true growth. This is the love given to us by a gentle, kind, compassionate, good God - and the love we are invited to give ourselves too.”
After all this, what is beauty? The opportunity to display our good, kind, compassionate God, even on our worst days. I see you struggling for it, and not to sound cliche, but it is beautiful. I love you with my whole heart.
Auntie Beth
